• Never travel anywhere without adequate travel insurance.

• Before booking a hotel, ensure there is no extra fee if you bring a lady back.

• Thailand is not like your home. You will find some of the ways Thais do things annoying. Just remember it is their country.

• All vehicles on the road have the right of way as far as pedestrians go. Do not assume the black-and-white things across the streets are safe pedestrian crossings. Motor vehicles here have no obligation to stop for you if you are crossing on these. When crossing the road, always look both ways before setting off. This includes one-way streets

• Never drink tap water. It is OK to brush your teeth but try not to swallow it.

• Be respectful of Thai culture and traditions. Do not insult the king or Buddha. It is considered an insult to go publicly without a shirt covering the shoulders.

• Also stand for the national anthem when it’s played at the cinema

• For Thais, there is a bodily hierarchy. The head is far higher than the feet, with lower body parts being less critical. For this reason, do not touch a Thais head. Also, don’t put your feet on pillows.

• It is considered rude to show the bottoms of your feet.

• If you are eating with Thais, don’t blow your nose at the table.

• When using a toothpick, put one hand in front of your mouth

• Always smile and don’t act aggressively

• Don’t talk to anyone with a clipboard in their hands. These people are usually promoting time-shares. They are not good investment opportunities! Likewise, avoid shaking the hands of the tailors. They are very reluctant to let go.

• Carry small change for the Baht bus.

• In bars, check your check bin from time to time.

• You are not obliged to buy lady drinks, so be firm but polite.

• Keep tips to small amounts unless you have received special treatment.

• Don’t get involved with drugs. If you do the best you can hope for, you contribute a large sum of money to the police fund. If it is serious or you don’t have enough money, you may spend some hard time in the ‘monkey house.’

• Don’t carry your foreign ATM card, as it will be difficult to replace.
• If using an ATM, remember that the card is returned after you have received the cash.

• Only carry as much money as you need.

• Don’t flash a lot of cash or wear expensive jewellery. This only attracts the attention of people you may not want to notice.

• Always carry some form of ID. Legally you are required to have your passport, but this is not practical.

• Thais are pretty conservative. For that reason, avoid showing affection in public. You will not have any problems in Pattaya, but you may elsewhere.

• Don’t get too drunk. Besides the obvious dangers, the likelihood of mistaking an LB for a real lady directly correlates with how much you drink.

• Don’t make plans as plans and Pattaya don’t mix.

• Before going, join an internet forum. Try to meet a BM or 2 in your first couple of days in town. You will benefit from some local knowledge. Also, the guys you meet in Pattaya will be the icing on the cake.

• Like with Thai people, you should not let your guard down totally with other foreigners in Thailand. Some desperate people live in Pattaya. There is no need to be paranoid. Just be careful.

• Don’t bring too much with you from home. Anything you forget or need can be bought cheaply.

• Never satisfy the urge to dance on the pole in any bar. You have never disgraced yourself in Pattaya until you have done this. The other customers in the bar will not appreciate it.

• Don’t get yourself involved in arguments in Thailand. This includes trying to help in a dispute involving a Thai girl. You will only lose

• Shower often, as Thai girls do not like how we smell.

• Never try to take a photo in a go-go bar. If you need to look at your camera inside a go-go bar, make it evident that you are not taking a picture. It is best not to get your camera out at all.

About the girls

• Don’t fall in love

• Always wear a condom and bring them from home.

• Don’t go with a lady who is under 18. It is OK to ask to see a lady’s ID but remember that there are fake ones around.

• Don’t agree to pick up your bar fine from the bar later. If you don’t understand think about a situation where you got talking to a lady, and after a few drinks, you decided that you want to take her away from the bar. She then tells you that another guy is coming to get her later.

• Try not to stay with the same lady too long. Many people promote the three-day rule. This means you do not stay with the same lady for more than three days in a row. This limits the chances of you and/of her becoming too attached.

• If you will be a butterfly, let the ladies know.

• Always treat the ladies with respect.

• The girls will tell you what you want to hear. Don’t take what they say seriously. You are a customer, and she is providing a service.

• Don’t spin a web of lies to get free services.

• Be wary of freelancers but not paranoid.

• Don’t assume that every lady in Pattaya is a prostitute. Every lady may be in some areas (e.g. Walking Street), but there are always some who are not. If they are interested, they will let you know. If they show no interest, move on.

• If someone bar fines a lady you like before you, don’t worry. In Pattaya, you only lose your turn. She will be available another night.

• Avoid taking ladies from bars near your hotel. It can make things awkward later when you bring other ladies past her bar.

• Try not to make it evident that you are on your first visit. Then again, I suspect they will be able to smell it from 100m (100 yards)

• Did I mention Don’t fall in love?